


Standing on the Edge

by rankwriter



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-06
Updated: 2012-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-29 01:31:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rankwriter/pseuds/rankwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Written for spn-in-space</p></blockquote>





	Standing on the Edge

Jensen stood gingerly and made his way to the Plexiglas window, the silvery light entering bathing the room in subtle shades of shimmer. He looked out at the triple moons of Sirius Minor, hanging bloated in the dark blue panorama. He turned his head and looked back at the bed. Sighing, he chastised himself; he had promised never to do this again, and yet here he was back to square one. A glass or two of Bilistica brandy and that seductive smile from Jared and he was on his back with his legs akimbo before you could say worthless slut. He had promised himself he wouldn’t fall for Jared’s meaningless patter, his empty promises and that he would keep his distance so he could become stronger and get over the betrayal, yet Jared just cocked his eyebrow the right way and he forgot his vow. More disappointed with himself than with his useless sort of ex boyfriend, he quickly grabbed his jumpsuit, dressed and left the room with a backward glance at the man slumbering in his bed, the gleaming light catching and accentuating the play of muscles on Jared’s chest. Sighing Jensen escaped from his quarters, he didn’t have anywhere to go but he wanted to avoid the awkwardness of the morning after. Jared trying to sneak off to go back to her, or worse still, the stilted attempts at conversation. Wandering the deserted corridors of the space centre, he found himself in the cafeteria. He was one of the few customers, the others were probably returning from late shifts and not trying to hide from an ill advised one night stand. “ A cup of coffee would make everything better” he thought as he got one from the machine. It was dark and aromatic and just hit the right spot. Being alone with his thoughts was a dangerous thing and he wondered briefly whether it was worth his while heading to the bridge to see if there was any work for him, but before he could make a decision, she came in. She saw him and her face lit up with a bright smile, there seemed to be no guile there, just honest pleasure at running into a friend of her husbands, and didn’t that make Jensen feel like a shit.

‘Hi Gen’ he said as she approached the table, it wasn’t her fault that her husband was a lying, cheating, cowardly asshole.

‘Hi Jensen have you seen Jared? I’ve been trying to com him, I thought he might be out with you and maybe that was why he wasn’t answering...’ she trailed off.

Jensen briefly wondered whether he looked freshly fucked. He hadn’t showered before leaving his quarters so odds were that he did. Surreptitiously smoothing his sex tousled hair he smiled lamely at her, it wasn’t his place to tell her that while she was working the night shift in engineering her cheating spouse had been pounding Jensen into the mattress, all the while murmuring words of love and apology. This was one of the main reasons why Jensen had been avoiding Jared; he didn’t want to be the other woman. Gen didn’t deserve it and neither did he.

‘Haven’t seen him lately’ Jensen replied, looking down at his coffee, sure that the lie was written all over his face. Gen sighed.

‘I don’t think he’s happy with me’ she said sadly.

Jensen looked up, shocked. ‘I’m sure that’s not true’ he said, after all why would Jared break his heart if he didn’t love the girl and want to spend his life with her and not Jensen.

‘I don’t know,’ she continued. ‘When we met back on Creshnar, he was so intense, we were only together a week.’ she smiled and Jensen’s heart broke, he knew what that smile meant and had no illusions that that week had been spent in bed. ‘He took me to meet his parents.’ Another knife in the chest, Jared could never take Jensen to see his parents; most of the universe accepted same sex unions but Creshnar was one of the few homophobic planets, requiring it’s sons and daughters to seek opposite sex partners. ‘And then a week after that, we were wed, I was looking forward to being a wife and mother, but since we’ve arrived on station he’s had no interest in me.’

Jensen was shocked to see that she had tears in her eyes. ‘He doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore, and before our sex life was excellent.’ She blushed as Jensen felt another knife pierce his heart, he had thought that Jared couldn’t hurt him anymore, especially after that day...

A year ago

Jared had been off station for a month and Jensen was desperate to see his lover again, the ship returning from Creshnar had just docked and Jensen was bouncing like a kid on his first visit to santa. He watched the crowd disembark impatiently and finally he saw that head of floppy hair taller than most of the other disembarkees. He was just about to run and fling himself into Jared’s arms when he saw that he had his arm around a tiny Brunette. Wondering who it was, Jensen walked towards the couple but came to a grinding halt when Jared reached down and kissed the girl, and it wasn’t the sort of kiss you give your sister. Jared’s hand was in her hair and Jensen’s heart stopped when he saw that Jared was wearing a wedding ring. It was twinkling on his finger, bright and cheery as if unaware of the shock of debilitating pain that ran through Jensen. Jensen stood there on the concourse as passengers and the people meeting them milled past him, eventually Jared’s kiss finished and he looked up, seeing Jensen a sad look crossed his face and he walked towards Jensen, his huge hand holding Gen’s tiny one.

‘Hey Jensen,’ he said, quietly, soothingly even as if Jensen was a skittish colt ‘This is my wife, Gen.’

Jensen couldn’t speak, he knew it was rude, but he just couldn’t get the words out. He looked at Jared, turned and walked away, he could hear Jared apologizing to his wife as he left,

‘Sorry Gen, he must be upset that I didn’t tell him I was marrying you, but he’ll get over it.’

“I’ll get over it,” thought Jensen, “what a laugh, you don’t just get over this sort of betrayal.” For God’s sake Jared had commed him every night and never once mentioned marrying or wives, or not loving Jensen anymore, or wanting to split up. Mind in a turmoil, Jensen went to his quarters and changed the code so Jared could no longer access his rooms.

Of course Jared started comming him, every hour on the hour, but Jensen ignored each request. Though as time went on, he wanted to pick up just so he could yell at Jared. But his heart knew it wouldn’t achieve anything. Thinking back, he couldn’t decide where it had all gone wrong, the instant attraction when they met was all consuming and they had spent so much time exploring each others bodies in the first few weeks, their friends thought they’d been off station. But it hadn’t all been physical, they had become great friends and Jensen hadn’t laughed with someone as much as he had with Jared. They had spent nearly all their time together, but the only fly in the ointment had been that Jared felt the need to keep their relationship secret, his parents didn’t approve he had told Jensen. Apart from that though, everything was rosy and over a year into their relationship when Jared announced he was going home for a month, Jensen didn’t think anything of it, he knew he would not be invited as Jared’s parents were very strict adherers to the Het Doctrine, a fundamentalist religion the hated homosexuals. He supposed looking back, he should have guessed that Jared would never stand up to them; he should have realized that he would want to marry. He had talked of having children and that was one thing Jensen couldn’t do for him. With a sigh Jensen lay down on their bed, his bed, he supposed it was now, looking at the ceiling he marveled at the fact that he hurt so badly. He loved Jared so much and now, with no warning, he was thrown over and alone again.

It took time before Jensen could even function on a limited basis after the betrayal. He still worked hard, still met with his friends and attempted to smile, but it was all a front, everything he did was almost robotic...except for avoiding Jared, he became adept at that. He avoided anywhere that he thought Jared would be, he never opened his door when Jared knocked, or answered his com when he attempted contact. Jared had only left if a few hours after the meeting at the airport before he tried to access Jensen’s quarters, when he realized that Jensen had changed the codes there was much swearing and knocking, if Jensen hadn’t just had his heart torn out and trampled into the ground, he may have found it amusing. So it was several months later that he actually ran into him at one of the on station bars. Jensen was there, having a drink after work. He found that he drank more now; the warmth of the alcohol helped him sleep now that his bed was empty. Jared sat himself on the stool next to Jensen’s, smiling widely as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t betrayed Jensen and broke him. Jensen gritted his teeth and then downed the rest of his drink, throwing some buy-chips onto the bar. He got up, but Jared grabbed his arm.

‘I just want to talk,’ he said, his eyes looked sad, but Jensen found it hard to give a fuck, and pulling his hand free, he stalked out of the bar. Outside, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned and saw Jared’s hangdog expression. Jensen reacted without thinking, punching him in the mouth. Jared looked surprised, his hand going to his mouth and coming away bloody.

‘I suppose I deserved that,’ he murmured, wiping the blood on his sleeve. ‘Look Jensen…’

‘I don’t want to hear it Jared, go home to your wife.’

Jensen turned tail and started walking away as Jared said, ‘I hoped we could still be friends.’ Jensen turned in disbelief.

‘What planet are you living on?’ he asked as he stalked back to Jared ‘You said you loved me and then you go and shack up with some girl, marry her and expect me to be your friend?’ He was almost shouting, his face was red and he was spraying saliva with every word. ‘I don’t want to see you again, don’t call me anymore.’ With that, Jensen turned stormed off..

Jensen had tried to get moved to another station following the betrayal. He was an exceptional pilot and Commander Morgan had been trying to recruit him for years, but Commander Leyne had been reluctant to release him, so for the time being he was stuck. The altercation with Jared had left him numb and a little shaky so he got out the brandy and drank himself into enough of a stupor so that he could sleep.

A few months down the line he heard that Gen was pregnant. Didn’t this just get better and better. It was eight months since Jared had returned, and the pain of the betrayal hadn’t abated. He was out with some work colleagues having a drink the first time he slipped up, he was already three sheets to the wind when Jared approached him, all smiles and that soothing voice he seemed to use on Jensen now. Jensen was drunk enough to follow Jared outside, the alcohol quieting that little voice in his head that would normally be telling him this was wrong, that little voice would have stopped him getting on his knees in the service corridor and that little voice would have damned sure stopped him taking Jared’s cock in his mouth and giving him an incredible blowjob. Jared was moaning and thrusting into Jensen’s mouth, he was muttering and mumbling.

‘God so good, missed this, missed your mouth on me.’

His words were like ice water, sobering Jensen up. He pulled off his cock, much to Jared’s chagrin. Looking up at Jared, the little voice came back on line, telling him what a worthless slut he was, blowing a married man, a married man who had dumped him in the most unpleasant way.

Jared for his part was cajoling, ‘Come on Jen, don’t leave me hanging, I need you…’

‘Yeah’ said Jensen standing up ‘well I needed you and look how that turned out’ taking one last look at Jared, stood there, disheveled with his cock hanging out still angry and hard. With a look of disdain, Jensen turned and walked away.

Then of course there was last night. There was more alcohol and the reduction in impulse control that came with it, but Jensen couldn’t blame it all on the booze. He still loved Jared. Despite everything, he still found him insanely attractive and with his inhibitions damped down, it was a short step and he found himself being consumed by Jared, his kisses desperate and needy, his lovemaking insistent, so dark and damning. And Jensen had no choice but to respond. Each caress he reciprocated and more, although his mind was screaming ‘no,’ his body was crying ‘yes,’ and his body won the war. Even as Jared pushed into him, too little preparation and lube, it was like coming home and a little like dying and Jensen knew he was crying, but couldn’t stop it.

And now he was sat with Mrs. Padalecki, feeling like a heel, the lowest of the low. Who’d have ever thought he would be the other woman? Looking up at Gen and not knowing how to respond, Jensen was quite literally saved by the bell, or the klaxon really. The emergency call wailed out across the station and Jensen was on his feet and heading towards the flight deck before he realized he hadn’t said goodbye to Gen, stopping only to collect his flight suit he rushed to the rally point. The station was hectic, people milling back and forth, the flight deck held some semblance of organization, Lehne was there directing his crew and giving a rousing speech.

‘Now guys I want you to get out there and kick some Bane butt.’

Jensen listened with half an ear as he looked for his co pilot Misha. Just as he caught sight of him, Jared tapped him on his shoulder. Jared was in a different battalion than him, falling under the command of Battalion Leader Butcher.

‘Jensen, before we go out and fight the Bane, I need to tell you that I...’ his speech was cut off by jostling as the crews of each Gazelle made their way to their vehicle. ‘I love you,’ he shouted as he was grabbed by his co pilot Chad. ‘And I’m gonna tell Gen when I get back.’

Jensen was flabbergasted, but before he could process those details he noticed Misha gesturing for him, so he ran to his Gazelle got in and started up the engines, awaiting Lehne’s instruction. Then he was ready they got the green light and were off.

He and Misha were so attuned they worked almost as one, zigging and zagging to avoid the missiles from the Bane attack vehicles, locking on and firing at the enemy. They hit one, causing it to careen out of control and hit another rebel ship. Suddenly the Bane mothership appeared as if by magic. Jensen had heard they had some impressive tech but this was beyond the realms of imagination. Trying to ignore this new threat, Jensen and Misha concentrated on firing, damaging or destroying as many attack ships as possible. Later, when Jensen looked back from the floor of his dingy cell he couldn’t remember when he made the mistake, maybe he was distracted because he saw Jared’s ship being fired upon or maybe it was because no matter how hard he tried his head was still full of what Jared had told him. Anyway it didn’t matter, he had made a mistake, they had ended up too close to the mothership and had been grabbed by its tractor beam and that was all she wrote.

The bane had been almost human in appearance, maybe slightly taller. They hadn’t spoken to him, they were merely pulled from the craft and dragged to the cells. That had been some time ago, but Jensen couldn’t keep track of the time here. There was no distinction between day and night, no change in the lighting, and the only sound was the droning of the engines. There was no furniture in the cell, so that was how Jensen found himself on the floor, his thoughts of course were with Jared, he wondered whether he meant what he said or whether it was just because they were being sent out on a dangerous mission. He hoped that Jared was ok and wondered whether Jared would still tell his wife once he realized Jensen wasn’t coming back.

Jensen awoke from a restless doze. Panicked, it took him a moment to remember where he was and realize what had woken him. Raising his head, he saw several Bane looking at him and his stomach flip-flopped. He recognized that look, had been seeing it on the faces of men and women since he was fourteen years old. The tallest of the Bane, pointed at him, a cruel smile on his face and lust in his eyes.

‘Him.’ he said, and Jensen died a little inside.

Later, as the Bane pushed into him with no concern for his wellbeing, Jensen fought to control the tears that were threatening to fall and let his mind wander back to the first time Jared made love to him. He clung to that comfort like a titanic survivor clung to a life raft.

Five Years Later

Jared woke to the smell of coffee brewing. Smiling, he got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, wrapping his arms around the smaller man preparing breakfast there.

‘Morning.’ Jared mumbled sleepily.

‘Morning yourself’ The other man said turning for a kiss which was interrupted by a knock on the door, ‘I’ll get it’ he said.

Opening the door Jeff was shocked to see Jensen, he hadn’t see Jensen for over five years, the last time had been when he had tried to recruit him. Jensen was a shadow of the man he had been, thin and pale, his hair long and his eyes had none of the sparkle that had been there.

‘Jensen,’ he said, reaching out his arm to take Jensen’s arm. The man looked ten seconds away from collapsing. Jensen flinched at the contact causing Jeff to withdraw his arm and beckon Jensen in.

‘Jeff’ he said looking at Jeff in a confused manner ‘I thought this was Jared’s place.’

Embarrassed, Jeff nodded and watched sadly as realization fell over Jensen’s face as he took in Jeff’s state of undress.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Well, I’d better be going,’ he muttered and started backing away.

‘No.’ Jeff shouted. ‘Come in, come in, Jen. He would want to see you.’ Jared came up behind Jeff, wanting to see what was going on, and when he saw Jensen his face paled.

‘Jensen.’ He reached out and dragged Jensen into an all-consuming hug. Jensen stiffened but then let himself relax, the tension seeping out of his body for the first time in five years, and he finally let the tears fall. Jared just held him for what seemed like hours but may have only been minutes. Then Jeff was there again, fully dressed and motioning to Jared that he was leaving. Jared nodded over Jensen’s head and managed to wrangle Jensen into the apartment.

After the attack, Jared had been left injured. Such a small head injury, who could have known the damage it had caused? The injury affected his inner ear and therefore he could no longer fly. Devastated, he had self-destructed, drinking too much and whoring around. Gen had kicked him into touch and told him to buck up. If not for her then for their baby daughter, Maisie. Jared had finally sobered up but his relationship with Gen was irrevocably broken. But she was a good ex wife and they co-parented Maisie, who was the light of Jared’s life and the only thing that kept Jared’s mind off Jensen, off the love he had and the love he had lost. He spent many a day regretting his actions, but then he would look at Maisie sleeping in her crib or smiling at her daddy and decided that regret was a stupid emotion. He had so much more than he deserved, but that didn’t diminish his worry for Jensen. Sector command had decided that Jensen and Misha were probably dead, but that didn’t stop them sending rescue missions, none of which were successful, and as the years went by hope faded Yet here Jensen was… back in Jared’s arms where he belonged.

Jared managed to get Jensen to the couch and sat down without releasing his hold on him. Jensen had stopped crying and the only noises coming from him were adorable little snuffles. Jared was horrified that he could feel the bones moving under Jensen’s skin, he had lost so much weight.

Jensen pulled away slightly, looking up at Jared from under his lashes He was still beautiful despite the ravages of the last five years, horrors Jared couldn’t begin to consider.

‘You and Jeff...’

Jared shushed him ‘Me and Jeff,’ he sighed. “we have an arrangement...’ he tailed off, wondering how best to describe their friends with benefits gig. A flicker of sadness passed across Jensen’s face before resignation settled in.

Jensen nodded his eyes were becoming unfocused and he seemed faraway, exhaustion wearing him down.

‘There’ll be no on else,’ Jared said, ‘Not now that I’ve got you back.” He smiled down at Jensen, taking him into his arms again. They had some huge obstacles to negotiate but nothing would stop them, not now that he and Jensen were back together.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for spn-in-space


End file.
